Our Black Experience

I had shared with my spouse's stepmother that my mom's family would have to drive for hours to find a hotel that would welcome black folks when they went on family vacations in the 60s. My grandmother, mom + siblings could pass for white, but my grandfather was very dark. In those days, passing for white was important on the military bases where they grew up or they were subject to much abuse and mistreatment - I heard so many horrible accounts of this over the years. My grandfather wasn't even allowed to look directly at the camera in military photos. As my mom and sisters got older, they relaxed and flat-ironed their hair, never went in the sun to keep their skin as light as possible, etc., just to keep passing and garner some resemblance of safety. Fast forward to a thanksgiving gathering..... We are looking through an old photo album, reminescing, etc. My spouse's stepmom says to my mother "Don't worry, you aren't that dark". This wasn't even part of the conversation and came out of left field. We were stunned at this ignorant back-handed compliment. It's not a compliment or a "comfort" to say something like this!

My brother and I were eating dinner at the Denny's in Darrington, as we regularly met there once a month. As we sat talking and laughing for at least 30 mins, an officer entered the restaurant. He came to the table, asked my brother to stand up, unnecessarily handcuffed his hands behind his back and marched him outside without a word about the context. We had NO idea why this was happening. I followed them outside, but I was not allowed to stand close. The cop asked him where his car was parked, walked him to his car, and pressed him up against it. My brother was draped over his car, in tears, being interrogated about where the rust spots came from on his fender. This cop said that someone reported his car as playing "chicken" with cars on the freeway earlier. He was making a really big deal about the rusted (ie OLD) scrapes on the side of the car, that obviously couldn't have been recent enough to prove he was driving recklessly as accused. After about 15 minutes, the cop finally uncuffed him and let him go. Needless to say, we have never gone back to that Denny's...or Darrington for that matter.