Don't worry, you aren't that dark

I had shared with my spouse's stepmother that my mom's family would have to drive for hours to find a hotel that would welcome black folks when they went on family vacations in the 60s. My grandmother, mom + siblings could pass for white, but my grandfather was very dark. In those days, passing for white was important on the military bases where they grew up or they were subject to much abuse and mistreatment - I heard so many horrible accounts of this over the years. My grandfather wasn't even allowed to look directly at the camera in military photos. As my mom and sisters got older, they relaxed and flat-ironed their hair, never went in the sun to keep their skin as light as possible, etc., just to keep passing and garner some resemblance of safety. Fast forward to a thanksgiving gathering..... We are looking through an old photo album, reminescing, etc. My spouse's stepmom says to my mother "Don't worry, you aren't that dark". This wasn't even part of the conversation and came out of left field. We were stunned at this ignorant back-handed compliment. It's not a compliment or a "comfort" to say something like this!